Wednesday, September 29, 2010


First off. In a great mood despite lacking sleep. I woke up in the middle of the night for no reason. hmmm then latin terms started popping in my head. random.

Walking into work, I see my dad's friend who I start a convo with and then this photographer comes out asking for assistance... so I ended up being a test subject for her. My co-workers saw this and now I am the 'supermodel'/'movie star'. lols.

Anyway I have been chatting with people about what my future plans are and it's really help me bright light to them. So here's a list of stuff I'm doing.

-Joining Toastmasters(handing in my payment/paperwork today)
I've been wanting to do it because it will be a great opportunity. It is a speech club (worldwide actually) at Goddard so I will be participating in giving speeches, table-topics, timing, feedback... all that good stuff with my superiors as well as others.

-Finish my degree next year
I have about 9 more classes left so I will be pushing myself to get them done. So far so good.

This is a big one for me. I need to in order to really jumpstart my life. Looking to do this around June (and no more lallygagging this is for real this time)

-Researching journalism/ web design degrees
These are what I'm interested in most so I'm going to pursue them.

-Applying to as many contests/casting calls/event work/etc.
This is important to me because I would rather fail/not get it then not trying at all. Plus, it's alot of fun for me also and the extra $$ never hurts.

So there you have it, there is my "professional" list of stuff I'm going to accomplish.

Like my title says ma-ma-mOtivateeeeeed!

Monday, September 27, 2010

September 27, 2010

Couldn't think of a catchy title so I felt the date would suffice.

First, I wanted to say that my weekend was very unmotivated. I cringe when that happens but mostly because I allow it too. Though I did find a new spot to recollect myself... in a tree. =) Also spent some time with my nephew... and I'll tell you, the feeling I get when he looks at me and has a big smile on his face is indescribable. I also took a notice about the world around me. Certain places make me think of horrible things ( such as an 'end of the world' scenario though most people would look at the cable going out for days as the end of the world ) and what percentage of people would survive it. I sensed not many and that deeply disturbs me.

I spent some of my morning reading this new blog called zenhabits. They touch base with living a simple life emotionally and physically. My favorite posts so far are the "5 powerful lessons you can learn from Ghandi" and "the barefoot philosophy" (I practice as much as I can and it's true, it is liberating). They have alot of interesting and helpful articles.

But I wanted to get into the same thing(s) I've always seem to discuss on here. My goals and where I want to go in life. Three major elements in my life have been affecting me negatively (or positively) for quite some time now. I feel like I don't know how to fix it per say...

for starters!!! I know an outside material source will only cover it up for a while so I know that's NOT a feasible solution.

Ahh writer's block... until next time.

Friday, September 24, 2010

Glad I Didn't Forget

There were paintings in my dream. Incredible ones... like I've never seen before. (But the influence had to have come from somewhere right?)

One was of this brown/orange mountains kinda like in the west near Arizona... but it had a pattern to them. In my dream I said Fibonacci but it was really these bold dark lines throughout them.

Another was in a green pasture with few trees. Then there were elephants and pieces of them. The thing was they matched perfectly even if it was just their feet. They were different colors but I don't remember "what" they were made out of. My guess would be jigsaw pieces.

Another was a view from afar of this huge cactus. There were tiny tiny people either climbing to it or just wandering around.

Same as the mountains & people but in this one there was just one boulder, same orange/brown color but tiny people were climbing up it. There was also a ledge overlooking something (it didn't go deep enough) with people just there.

I remember this quote from my dream "It makes you realize how tiny we actually are."

Then towards the disturbing part of my dream, there was this picture of these distressed trees. Almost just shadows with missing pieces. It was a mixture of gloomy colors such as brown, black, gray and others I wasn't able to distinguish.

I wish I could paint.

Wednesday, September 22, 2010


My conscious is out in full force and I am a piece of shit.

That is all.

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

On My Radar

I used to despise reading in school. Hated it, partially because of the crowd I hung out with and not appreciating the written word. (Re-read "To Kill A Mockingbird" for a AP English class... wow, amazing.)

But I do love a great book. My favorite author is Mitch Albom, read all his books I could find.

I've also read "Skinny Bitch" & am reading "Cheap".

People get so defensive about the subject that "Skinny Bitch" goes into but basically it's about the truth of food, how the food gets to your plate and frankly something that should be deeply considered.

I'm only into "Cheap" partially but it goes into the true cost of cheap goods. How people around the world are treated and abused so you can have the "goods" you cherish so. Go human rights. There are always horrible consequences because America is obsessed with cheap. Since then I have been more into purchasing vegan, fair trade, all over great products because frankly I believe what you buy and your actions should go towards helping the world out. Sure these products I buy are expensive but it's worth it to me.

Anywho I have a few books that I want to read.

The Seat of the Soul by Gary Zuker

The War that Killed Achilles by Caroline Alexander

The Things They Carried by Tim O'brien

Mirrors: Stories of Almost Everyone by Eduardo Galeano

Little Bee by Chris Cleave

I shall be tapping into these sometime soon when my textbooks don't require me to devout so much time to them.


Sunday, September 19, 2010


Found this on a friend's profile.... read it and it sent shivers down my spine. When I was reading them to my boyfriend I actually choked up on #33. ENJOY!

36 Things Every Gentleman Should Do Before They Die

1. Travel to Paris, and New York.
These cities have a certain mystique about them… it’s well deserved. Plan to visit one (preferably both) and be sure to experience what makes those cities unique. Side note - Real gentlemen don’t do tour buses.

2. Master the omelet.
This is one of those things every man should learn. know how to create an omelet and know how to find those hidden and forgotten items in your refrigerator. Nothing goes better with that good morning kiss than that good morning breakfast.

3. Travel to a third world country.
Nothing will ground and humble you more than this experience. walk down a third world street and take a moment to reflect on what’s important in your life.

4. Get a manicure.
A real manicure and afterwards, might as well cater to your shoes - get an old fashioned shoe shine outside while people watching.

5. Throw a real party.
I mean prepare every detail. from rolling the sliced turkey, to mixing the olives, to slicing the french bread, to lighting the candles. Select the right music„ chill the white and let breathe the red wine. Throw a white table cloth on the table and invite the big boys.

6. Write a love letter.
A high school note doesn’t count. Take time to write a real love letter to someone deservant. No e-mail, no text, a hand written love letter that speaks from the soul. (keep a copy for yourself, you’ll be glad that you did in the future)

7. Establish a reputation
A gentleman, a scoundrel, a dandy, a lazy bum. People will perceive you a certain way and there is power in perception. Hopefully you’ll choose to present yourself in a favorable way.

8. Give something away just because.
One day when someone tells you they like something you have, just give it to them as a gift. it may be a book you’re reading, your watch, your pen, the point is to simply give away something simply because the person complimented you on it or because they noticed it.

9. Fast for 3 days.
Not a juice fast where you fill your belly with sweet stuff, go 3 days only consuming water. Take time to reflect on yourself, your life, and literally let the inner you relax.

10. Give up something you enjoy.
Practice self control and decide to simply give up something you enjoy. be it soda, a certain type of meat, candy, a tv show. The point is to practice self control, you’ll be fine… even a bit stronger.

11. Buy an Antique.
Take a day and search through an antique shop. Find a piece that you enjoy and add it to your home. Find a piece that adds character to your home and you’ll find it may become one of your favorite things at home.

12. Repair a piece of furniture.
Now I don’t mean go build you an elaborate cabinet with hidden compartments, or putting together an piece from Ikea. Take the time to strip down a table, buff it, refinish it. No need to make it a habit, but at least experience it once.

13. Play chess.
If you don’t know how, learn… if you already know how, play it more often. Chess is for the big boys, gentlemen don’t play checkers.

14. Have a suit tailor made.
Pick out the material, discuss the process with your tailor, enjoy he measuring process. While everyone can’t afford a bespoke suit, this is one of life’s guilty pleasures you should make a point of experiencing.

15. Give away a keep sake.
Find an item, hold on to it for a while (maybe a coin, a token, a lucky pebble, a money clip) then give it to a friend after you’ve had it for a while.

16. Write a book.
Now everyone may not be able to do this, but everyone should at least try. Take time to document something worth documenting.

17. Have a hobby.
Every gentleman should have at least 1 hobby. be it card collecting, stamp collecting, pens, or watches. Nothing gives you as much peace of mind as sitting home relaxing looking over what you’ve taken time to gather.

18. Spend a quiet evening ALONE.
Cheese, wine and candlelight or a cold beer and pizza - learn to enjoy your own company.

19. Vacation alone.
This one needs no explanation… ALONE.

20. Have a wall full of photos.
Select a section on your wall and frame photos of close friends, family and loved ones in general. A picture paints a thousand words… a wall full of photos speaks volumes of love.

21. Stay up all night working.
I’m not talking about working the graveyard shift. Spend all night working on something you enjoy, something you’re passionate about. Then, look out the window at daybreak before you go to bed.

22. Bid at an auction.
Don’t just bid, WIN. it may be an item you may not cherish forever, the point is the thrill of the win.

23. Strike up a conversation with someone you’re not attracted to.
Take the time to strike up a conversation with a woman on the merits of simply making her smile. Not because you think she’s beautiful, but simply because making a stranger smile is a beautiful thing.

24. Celebrate your birthday.
Celebrate your birthday by giving something back to the world. It has allowed you to see another year, why not give back… write a book, a poem, make it about what you give, not what you get.

25. Buy a painting.
No litho, no generic painting, save up some money and buy an original.

26. Prepare a picnic.
Plan it, surprise her, and enjoy it.

27. Custom make a piece of jewelry.
Although you may think it may be too expensive, you’d be surprised. Design a piece and bring it to a jeweler. It’ll have a special meaning and will be one of a kind … like you.

28. Write yourself a note.
Write about the temperature, how you feel that day, your thoughts on love, life and in general. Date it and tuck it away Come back to it a few years later (if you remember where you hid it) and reread it.

29. Dance the Waltz.
At least (try it) once. You’ll be surprised…. and the electric slide!

30. Write a thank you note.
Write a note to a close friend, a family member simply because. Let them know what role they played in your life.

31. A Kodak moment.
Capture a special event on film. Time surely flies, but memories have a way of lingering when captured.

32. Buy an Item with the intention of giving it away.
Save it for someone much younger and give it to them when they can appreciate it.

33. Volunteer for a good cause.
Invest one day in something you always wanted to support. giving back is golden.

34. Buy an elderly person lunch.
One day while you’re buying yourself lunch, just turn around and offer… no, insist on paying for the elderly person’s lunch behind you.

35. See an opera, and/or play.
Dress the part.

36. Live with Swagger.

Thursday, September 16, 2010

Please To Meet You...

Welcome my lil worm, squirt, lil man... my nephew. He was born pre-mature so he was pretty tiny. But now at 3 months, he has gotten so big.. and such a personality I must say. When I saw him last he had a big smile on his face when he saw me. I will share some photos and not gush over him.

He has this thing where he sticks his tongue out so it's only fair.

Such a charmer right

My new favorite photo.

"Who's this big head and what is she gonna do to me?

Such a tiny bundle.


Is it just me or do random people/things/events/thoughts/colors/influences/etc inspire you? Because that's just what hit me. I won't say who or what did because frankly it's a random thing that others wouldn't take notice.

So I will just describe it.

This person who is doing their thing, following their dream, in fact has done ALOT to make this happen popped into my newfeed on facebook. Go figure.

Back story. I only went to high school with this person. (That's it, nothing else)

What popped into my head as soon as this happened was "what am I doing right now in this second to achieve what I want? What DO I WANT? HOW will I get this? Am I happy NOW?" This also has me thinking of plans I have, experiences I want, and things I will go after.

I find it so strange how someone who isn't even in your active life can have such an impact. Boggles my mind in fact.

I have a sort-kinda plan for after I finish school. If everything goes the way it should I should be done DONE fini in less than 5 semesters including winter and summer. EPP. Yesterday I was asked if my major suits me. My response was no.

It really doesn't... but it's a Degree and some will argue that's better than nothing. I for the most part agree. But I wouldn't be finished with school just yet. There's a few options I find myself doing that are of more substance if you will. Journalism, Web Design, Webmaster, Environmental Science, Photonics, etc.. I have a whole list.

Back to my sort-kinda plan. I won't really say what exactly it is. Moving out would be the first thing. A long trip somewhere is involved and of course a large savings account. In fact, it's probably the most important part.

My plan to achieve this large bank account is well saving more than half my paycheck... and the months I get paid triple... well put away 2/3's of them. ^__^ GET LIKE ME

For the trip well I have a few places on my radar (few? try tons). I am applying for my passport soon (for another trip next year) and looking up different hostels and how to get around a country without a car. Try to guess where I wanna go! Summer-fall in March-May. ;) Kia Ora 2012 (nope, not Hawaii)

But after all of this, I'm still really confused about what I want to do, maybe it comes with age... but playing it safe is something I def. don't want.

Wednesday, September 15, 2010


Which is worse?

A pre-meditated action that did not occur?


The action just occurring?

Can you hold something against someone forever?

Does anger have a life span?

You know the one part of you?
The one part you can never mind?
The one you can never reason?
The part that always has hope?
Take it & suppress it so deep down....
You have seem to forgotten it.

"Her boyfriend says she's a mess"- Dancing in the Dark*

Sit with me for a while... let's chat, reminisce, everything in your mind.


You know what's the best part of you is? You're everything I despise.

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Polar Plunge

Last year I participated in the Polar Plunge which benefits the Special Olympics. The temperature was in the teens and wind chill made it even colder... the light dusting of snow also helped with this epic time.

The snow was so bad it took a few hours to get to and back from Sandy Point when it should have only took maybe 45 mins each way. It was still a blast. Getting pumped up and just doing it. Afterwards I was freaking out for fear of hypothermia. (childhood trauma)

Here's some pictures from last year:

And I'm doing it again!

Monday, September 13, 2010

Why I Do Is Not Right Now

It's been brought up but many people. Relatives, friends, you name it. "Why John and I aren't married yet or engaged?"

Well the answers are quite simple.

-We don't see a need for it (right now).
-We would want to live together first.
-We are already happy as is.

Now more of an in depth answer.

John just purchased a house with his brother and I'm saving up money like a mad woman so we just couldn't dump money into a wedding right now. Also I still live at home and would like to move out on my own or with John first just so see if we are compatible living together. Another reason is we are both in school so adding any other "stress" would affect all the things we have going on. I would see it no fun to move out after I was married. We are already happy together enjoying each other's company and learning about one another each day.

Down the road if we are still together and we have moved to the next chapters in our life and we decide it would be a good idea, then we will go ahead and do it but right now we are happy as is.

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Washington D.C.

We've all been plenty of times. But seriously, how awesome is this place? Museums are free, the monument, the WW11 Memorial, the White House and the fountains galore?

My sister owed me by taking cute pictures of John and I. Boy did she do good. Here are a few photos. Mind you wearing boots to walk around wasn't the best idea... it caused me to walk shoe-less (who knew) around the city.... but I enjoyed that part.

We visited the WW1 Memorial, The front of the White House, the American History Museum and the National Art Gallery.

Harper's Ferry, West Virginia

The last time I was here was when I went tubing with a bunch of friends. That was fun, but I didn't really see the beauty that is Harper's Ferry.

Our first stop was the casinos... which I wont money! First time going to Charleston and I won over $20.00 and I spend over $5.00. The whole casino was just tables and slot machines... it was easy to get lost in. In fact we did!

Parking was slim to none down by the actual town and water, so we parked in the neighborhood above it. It was quite a walk. Finding somewhere to sit in a restaurant was quite a challenge also. We tried about 3-4 different places.

All and all it was an awesome trip! Can't wait to visit again!